


Nine Lives to Live

by gusenitsa



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (This will probably be a common tag for me), Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, Reveal, character death... kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9612350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gusenitsa/pseuds/gusenitsa
Summary: What happens when the ladybug's chaton runs out of lives to live; but Ladybug isn't ready to give him up yet.





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> AN: For those of you who don't know me, I love my angst. This one was inspired by littleblackchat's comic (Since FF hates links, you can find the link by checking it out on my tumblr: gusenitsaa or by looking on their tumblr under the tag #chat noir dies.) Scared yet? I highly recommend you go and look at it. Bring your tissues. It's terrible and gorgeous. That being said, this story does not follow the plot of the comic, the comic just put me in an angsty mood that led me down this rabbit hole.
> 
> This one is going to hurt, if I've done it right. However, since this is my first publication in this fandom and you don't know my style; I'm going to offer you a first time customer special and promise you that no one will die (permanently) in this fic.

 

**Chapter 1: The Fall**

The attack had been meant for her, but he'd been faster. He was always faster. At the end of the day, though, she was the only one who could purify the dark magic trapped in the butterfly… so Marinette was forced to forgive him time and time again his self-sacrificial theatrics.

"What have I told you about knight-in-shining-armor routine?" Marinette cried in frustration. He didn't hear her, of course, he'd already toppled out the open window and Marinette caught her breath. Her eyes lingered there a moment longer than they should have but he had given her just long enough to capture the creature. Her magic released it in an instant with a wave of energy and she hurried towards the window the second the butterfly vanished from her sight.

"Aren't cats always supposed to land on their fe-" Her voice caught in her throat when she looked out and saw a dark figure sprawled in the empty street below. It wasn't _that_ high, she tried to reassure herself, sliding down into the street with a grace that Chat apparently hadn't managed.

She knew this game he was playing; get her all worried and then try to kiss her when she bent too close. It was hardly the first time. She squatted next to him, the tiniest flicker of doubt creeping through her facade. Still he didn't speak and one more dot vanished from her earring.

"No more cat naps, Chaton, we're going to change back soon-" she bent and shook his shoulder, muscles tense. Her stomach rose up into her throat and she shook him harder. Finally… _finally_ she felt fear.

She hadn't felt fear in so long, in all their years working together, perhaps she'd never _truly_ felt fear. Why should she? The magic of her miraculous had never failed to right what was wrong eventually. All the damage, every time. Every single time. But her lucky charm was gone now, the akuma purified, and now everything gets fixed. That's the way this works; the way it always works.

Another spot vanished from her earring, and she instinctively glanced at his ring. Four pads. Still. Frozen where it must had been when he jumped in front of that blast.

"Chat, this is _not_ funny… come on, wake up."

She was going to change back at any moment, she could feel it, but the thought of leaving him here, alone in an empty alley made her stomach lurch. So she knelt, pulling him into her lap as a flash of light surrounded her and left her only Marinette.

"Tikki," she whispered, her voice tight. "Tikki, what is happening?"

Her kwami brushed gently against her cheek, wiping away a tear that she hadn't realized had fallen. "I'm so sorry, Marinette."

"No! No, Tikki this isn't... he can't be-" She pulled him closer, her fingers reaching hesitantly for a lock of hair that had fallen across his closed eyes. A numb fog had come over her, making her blind to the man that had just turned into the alley, she heard him crying for help though and Tikki darted to hide inside her jacket, a pinpoint of warmth as Marinette tried to stop her world from spinning.

"Why isn't he..." she stumbled over the words, her fingers dropping from his hair to the high collar of his suit and finally the ring on his finger.

"His kwami is protecting his identity now. Marinette you have to go. Become Ladybug again, get him somewhere safe."

"Safe?" The word came out harsh and bitter and she felt Tikki rub against her stomach under her jacket

"I'm sorry Marinette, but if you don't protect his Miraculous now than who will?" People were starting to gather at the opening of the alley but no one dared come too close.

"I can't leave him-" she whispered but Tikki poked her stomach insistently.

"Just for a moment. Marinette you _must_ hurry, before more people come!"

Gritting her teeth, Marinette slid herself free, laying Chat as gently as she could on the ground before turning in search of the closest building. She was gone no longer than a minute but by the time she returned, people had surged forward, crowding around the body of their fallen hero.

The gathered people turned to her when she arrived back on the scene, no longer a scared civilian but Ladybug. The city's heroine. Strong and invincible and barely holding back tears.

Questions rang out at her from all directions.

"Ladybug, what happened to him?"

"Were you there?"

"Is he going to be ok?"

She heard none of them. She saw only that they were between her and her fallen friend.

"Out of my way," she hissed. Her voice was steely; cold and unrecognizable even to her own ears. And it worked, people scattered. She knelt and lifted Chat with a grunt. It was harder than when she'd lifted him before; to throw him at some enemy, trusting he would figure out what to do when he got there… Now he was limp and it threw off her balance. But her apartment was nearby and for lack of another option she decided to risk taking him there.

She slipped quietly into the window which she always left open for quick entrances in situations like this. Not like _this_.

She laid Chat down onto her couch and collapsed to the floor next to him. Her head sank to rest onto his shoulder; too exhausted, both mentally and physically to do anything but let her tears fall onto the cold material of his suit.

"I'm sorry, Chat," she whispered. "You shouldn't have done that. You shouldn't have..." She let one hand wander, smoothing back the wild blonde hair that had fallen to cover his eyes again. She'd always secretly wondered if he'd purr if she rubbed his ears but she'd never dared find out.

She knew he'd let her, of course. He'd made no secret of his feelings for her, but it wasn't like that for Marinette. Chat Noir was her best friend in all the world, her backup, her partner and someone she knew could always count on... But the secret places of her heart, they had belonged to Adrien since the day he offered her an umbrella in a rainstorm so many years ago now.

Perhaps if she'd told Chat that, told him of the good, sweet boy that she'd fallen for, of the beautiful, kind man he'd grown into... perhaps if she'd told him he would have moved on. Let her go. Maybe if she'd told him that, he wouldn't have jumped in front of her. But she hadn't. And now her best friend was gone and she'd never felt so alone.

Maybe ... maybe it was finally time to tell Adrien the truth. Somehow she couldn't imagine Chat begrudging her the small comfort of familiar arms as she said her goodbye.

"Adrien?" she called. She chided herself for the weak attempt and tried again, louder. "Adrien, are you home?"

There was no response from the empty apartment and she pulled out her phone, hitting redial with shaking fingers. Straight to voicemail, as though it were off or broken... again. No one broke their phone as much as Adrien except... perhaps Marinette, but at least she had an excuse for it. She heard the answering machine pick up and though it was only a recording it calmed her to hear his voice:

_"Hey, you've reached Adrien's personal line. Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you. Beep!"_

"Hey, Adrien, It's Marinette. I know you said you had a work thing come up but...Something's happened and I need... Adrien, I really need you right now." Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat to cover the sound. "Can you... can you come home when you get this... please?" She let the phone fall to her side, hitting the end button with a shaky sigh.

Marinette's eyes filled with fresh tears as she reached for his hand. So many years. Protecting each other, protecting their secret... it felt wrong to twist the ring off his finger now, but she had to. She couldn't let anyone else find him like this, couldn't let anyone take what he had protected for so long. She closed her eyes and laid her head on his chest, afraid to look as a familiar light enveloped them both.

When the light faded, she opened her eyes, and she'd never regretted a decision so much as she did in that moment.

"A... Adrien?" There was no doubt now.. How had she never known? His face, as familiar as her own... more familiar than her own now for all the years they'd spent together, and she'd never noticed. With the magic of the miraculous gone it became so obvious she wanted to scream. Her best friend and her love. The same, of course. _Of course_.

Her words died in her throat and she could do nothing but stare in open horror at the scene before her. A tiny black kwami nuzzled next to Adrien's cheek for a moment or two before finally turning to face her.

"Ladybug... I'm Plagg."

"Plagg? You're … You're Chat's kwami?"

"I am... I was."

"Plagg, please, we can fix this right? The magic, it didn't work right, but we can fix it?"

The kwami didn't answer and his silence crushed the last remnants of hope fluttering in her chest. She climbed up onto the couch and pulled Adrien into her lap as she had Chat when he'd lain in the street. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him tight, her tears dampening his hair faster than she could wipe them away. Her best friend and the love of her life … in one day. In one moment. It isn't fair.

"There's something you should see, Ladybug." Plagg said quietly. "I promised Adrien that I would give it to you if anything..." The kwami didn't finish, vanishing and reappearing with a small white envelope.

One arm still clinging to Adrien she reached out for the letter, recognizing Adrien's neat penmanship instantly.

_Marinette,_

_If Plagg didn't give this letter to you, that means I've left it out like an idiot … or you're digging through my safe. Please, I beg of you Marinette, read no further if that is the case. It's not time._

_If you're still reading then that means something has happened to me, and what I have to tell you, you probably already know._

_It was not long after we moved in together that I found out. You were hurt, but you insisted that I leave you before we changed back. Do you remember that day?_

_I know that you wanted to keep this secret, my lady, and I need you to know that it was never my intention to rip your mask away. But you looked so tired after that battle; I couldn't leave without knowing you were all right. I gave you a few minutes but then I came back... as Adrien. When I came back, I found Marinette, my Marinette, unconscious where I had left Ladybug. I carried you back to our apartment and while you slept decided that if it meant so much to you to keep these parts of your life separate, I would let you do so, as long as you needed._

_It is difficult sometimes, seeing you through Chat Noir's eyes and being unable to hold you. Seeing you through Adrien's and being unable to tell you everything. Making my own excuses and hearing yours and knowing that we're both lying. I'm still not sure if I'm making the right decision, my lady. If you're reading this then I guess I waited too long._

_I want you to know, since I cannot tell you now… that I love you, my Marinette. I love the sweet girl who I gave an umbrella to and the super-heroine who has always been my most-reliable partner. I love the girl who trips over her own feet and the woman who is all grace on the field of battle._

_I love you, and I am so sorry. I never meant to leave you._

_Adrien_

She reread his words over and over until the words blurred with her tears but she could still hear them in her mind as she sat, unable to consider even the slightest movement other than what was needed to press kisses to his hair and his forehead, his cheeks and his lips.

"What happens now?" She wondered aloud, to Plagg perhaps, or herself or the empty room. To her surprise a single butterfly fluttered in through her window.

 _Papillon_.

It's wings were dark and for the briefest moment she wonders if the akuma might take this away, the aching in her heart that seemed to be getting only worse.

Plagg saw the butterfly too and gave a start..

"Ladybug don't, he wouldn't want that!"

The creature landed on her hand and she heard a voice in her head.

_"Ladybug. Your grief consumes you, but I can help you."_

"I don't need your help-" she whispered.

_"What if I told you that I can bring him back?"_

"Why would you want to help me? It's _your_ fault he's gone!" she spat.

 _"I have my reasons,"_ the voice replied. _"Do you care about them, so long as Adrien lives?"_

She swallowed hard and shook her head.

_"There will be a price."_

"Let me guess, our Miraculous? So you can kill us both next time."

_"Only his, for now. It is the only way to bring him back. Without it I do not have the power to change this."_

"Tell me what I have to do."

_"Bring it to me."_

The butterfly took flight, heading in the direction of the door, before pausing, clearly waiting for her to follow. She loosened her grip on Adrien and stood, lowering his body gently back onto the couch and brushing the hair from his forehead. She placed one final kiss on his forehead before straightening.

"I'm going to save you, Adrien," she whispered. But when she turned Plagg was in her path.

"Ladybug, it's a trap. Or a trick… You can't-"

"So I should just let him die?"

"He's- he's already... He wouldn't want-"

"Is it possible?" she interrupted. "What Papillon says he can do, is it possible? Is it possible to bring him back?"

Plagg hesitated for only a moment before giving a small nod.

"Watch over him Plagg. I'll be back."

 


	2. The Gamble

**Chapter 2 : The Gamble**

When the butterfly stopped she found herself in what she'd probably have thought to be an abandoned building if it were not so clean. A large window let a cold light into the room and Papillon was waiting for her. She stiffened at the sight of him, trying to ignore the voice in her head telling her to run, the one that sounded too much like him.

"Did you bring his miraculous?"

"Tell me how it works," she asked suspiciously.

"We turn back the clock, using the power of that ring we can-"

"How do I know you won't kill him again, when he is without his powers?"

"You don't."

"It is your fault that he is- and you expect me just to trust you?"

For a moment she thought he might attack her and her muscles tensed to defend herself, then there was a flash of light, and Papillon melted away leaving behind-

"M- Mr. Agreste?" For a split second she forgot why she was there, forgot about Chat, her jaw dropped and she simply stared at her childhood idol… at Adrien's father.

She stiffened.

"Your own…" she stammered, very quietly, rage making her voice shake. "You killed your own-"

"I didn't know," Gabriel interrupted, his voice suddenly thick with emotion and all too human. "I didn't-"

"And that's supposed to make it okay? We've been fighting you, he's been fighting you for _years_ and you never knew? Of course you never knew," she said bitterly, "Adrien could have sprouted a second head and you only would have noticed when he didn't fit into your new line of dress shirts."

"Ladybug, please," Gabriel cried, "his miraculous. I can bring him back, you just need to give me his-"

"So that's it? I give you the miraculous and he comes back to me, we go back to fighting you but this time I don't let you _kill_ him?"

Gabriel winced. "It is not quite that simple. This sacrifice will allow me to turn back the clock, but it's not just his miraculous you must give up. You must give up Chat Noir entirely. Adrien's memories of Chat Noir will be taken and you cannot allow them to return. "

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"If he remembers his life as Chat Noir, you risk undoing the magic that has saved him."

Marinette's heart sank, How was she supposed to do this without her partner?

But if she refused… she lost him anyway.

"Why are you doing this?" Marinette asked. "Why are you attacking Paris, attacking _us!_ Your son loves you, in spite of everything. Is your heart so full of darkness that-"

"There's no time for this Ladybug. Every moment we spend here this becomes harder to reverse. Very much longer and it will take both your miraculous and his to turn back the clock. If you wish to save him, for both of our sakes… give me the ring."

Her hand shook when she held out his ring, but if there was a chance, any chance at all-

Everything went black.

* * *

When she opened her eyes she was back inside her own apartment in her own bedroom and a wave of mingled relief and fear washed over her. Then she ran, nearly slamming into a wall in her haste to get to- here. She hesitated at the door, afraid to open it and see him- She summoned all her courage and pushed open the door.

Adrien was laying on the couch still and her heart sank through the floor.

"Adrien- no-"

"What is it now?" he replied, sitting up.

She gaped, then threw herself across the room and into his arms, tears pricking at her eyes as she fought to keep them from falling. He stiffened and pulled away.

"The hell are you doing Marinette?"

She pulled away confused, but she couldn't remove the smile from her face, however hard she tried. It was just so good to see him.

Sirens wailed past her window and her eyes flicked towards the door. She was _back_. Back before the fight that had taken him from her. This was the last moment she had seen Adrien, before he became Chat and- But this time she was on her own, no Chat Noir. This time he would be safe.

"I... I have to go, we'll talk later?"

Adrien rolled his eyes, and a bitter chuckle twisted his face. "Sure we will."

"Adrien, I'm sorry," the sirens grew louder. She had to go, she was needed, Ladybug was needed. "I just have-"

"Last minute fabric sale? Emergency at the bakery?" He scoffed and stood up, "Doesn't matter Marinette, I've got a shoot in 15 anyway." He grabbed a messenger bag from next to the couch and was out the door before she could say another word.

"What's going on Tikki?" she sighed.

"Everything's changed, Marinette," Tikki replied, "but you're still Ladybug."

"You're right, Tikki. Spots on"

* * *

By the time the magic of her lucky charm faded, she wanted nothing more than to collapse on the spot and sleep. She'd a deep gash on her stomach where she'd only just managed to dodge the blow that had taken Chat from her the last time. Even knowing it was coming, it was almost too fast.

Everything took three times as long without Chat… God, she missed him. She missed his stupid cat puns and blatant flirtations. She missed having someone to watch her back and support her plans no matter how ridiculous they seemed at first. She missed their celebrations as the butterfly flitted away. She missed spending their last few minutes before they de-transformed watching the sunset over the roofline of Paris. It all seemed so silly now. So many beautiful moments cut short so she could hide from him something he already knew.

She missed her best friend.

The sun was setting when she got back to the apartment and for the first time in years the sight of a light inside brought foreboding rather than comfort. It never occurred to her that how well she and Adrien fit might be lost without Chat. Adrien no longer understood when she disappeared constantly, her excuses rang hollow and she'd seen the pain in his eyes from so many years of being lied to and abandoned mid-conversation. After so many years of being ignored in his family home... they'd created a new home in which he was just as neglected. It tore Marinette's heart to shreds.

What could she say? How could she fix what he could no longer understand?

She put a jacket on over her blouse to block the sight of now partially dried blood and pushed open the door to the apartment.

"Adrien?"

"Here," a tired voice called back. She followed the voice into the kitchen where Adrien stood at the counter.

"How was your shoot?"

He glanced up in surprise before responding. "Strange, actually. My father showed up."

Marinette stiffened, "what did he do?"

"Nothing. Just showed up, stayed for a few minutes and then left. Probably sizing me up for his latest designs."

She wanted to tell him. Everything. She wanted to tell him about Ladybug, and his father and the life he once shared with her, but his father's words echoed in her head. If she told him, she could lose him again. She couldn't lose him again.

"I'm really sorry about earlier."

"Please don't lie to me Marinette," his eyes fell and his face took on the resigned look of someone who'd had this conversation too many times before.

"I am though, sorry. Can we just… start over. I mean not over over. I don't miss tripping over my words and acting like an idiot whenever you look at me and-" she giggled nervously and for the first time since she'd met this new Adrien… he smiled.

"I miss you, Marinette."

"I missed you too. Adrien, I missed you so much."

"Then why? You're a terrible liar, Mari, and yet every day. Every day you lie to me, disappear, make up stupid stories that neither one of us believe. Is it-" he looked down, "Have you... found someone else?"

Her jaw dropped and she shook her head vehemently "No, Adrien there is no one else. I know... I'm kind of flaky but there is no one else for me, you have to believe that."

"I just wanted you to trust me-"

"I do trust you-"

"Then stop lying to me."

"I… I can't."

He opened his mouth to retort and then closed it, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "You're… you're actually telling me the truth this time aren't you?" She just nodded.

"Are you in danger, Mari?" she hesitated and her hand must have flinched towards her stomach because he looked down and his eyes widened. "Marinette, are you hurt?" She glanced down too, realizing too late the haphazard bandaging she'd done had allowed a small line of blood to seep through her jacket.

His gaze grew darker, and for just a moment she swore she saw Chat in his eyes. "Who did this?"

"I'm just a klutz, you know that." The lie came easily, but she winced at the result. It was like watching a wall come back up over his eyes. He nodded gloomily and headed towards the bathroom to where they kept a rather extensive first aid kit.

Most of the time their injuries were healed by the magic of her lucky charm but she'd learned long ago that some injuries remained. She thought it had something to do with how they were inflicted. Injuries received directly from the akuma's magic would vanish without a trace but damage caused by non-magical weapons seemed to linger.

It's probably why Chat hadn't- she shook her head as Adrien dumped their kit onto the table.

"Can I at least see it?"

She unzipped her sweater and gingerly pulled up the bottom of her blouse revealing the gash. He winced and reached for the gauze, dabbing away the blood gently. He patched it up quickly and Marinette watched in fascination. This Adrien had no reason to be such an expert on caring for wounds and here he was, patching her up as though he'd done it a hundred times. Had he? Had this version of Adrien often been exposed to her inexplicable wounds or was this something else… Muscle memory from cleaning up one too many of his own?

"I hate this, Marinette," he interrupted her train of thought. "I hate the lying and the running off and the awful stories you make up but this... I hate this most of all." He packed up the first aid kit and left the room before Marinette could bring herself to make up another story.

* * *

The akumas continued to come, apparently Adrien's father still wanted Ladybug's miraculous for some purpose but what could she do? She could hardly just walk into his mansion and announce that he must stop. If Marinette did such a thing she would not be believed. If Ladybug tried he'd simply send more akumas after her to keep her too busy to spill his secret.

So she continued to fight each one, hoping that one day he would realize that stealing her miraculous was not worth whatever he hoped to gain from it. But without her partner each fight only left her exhausted and occasionally wounded. She tried to keep it from Adrien but he always seemed to notice. He never asked anymore. Until the day she didn't come home at all.

An akuma with the power to create earthquakes had caused tremors all over town. Even managed to bring down several buildings with his fury. Ladybug had cleared the area so there were few injuries so far but then she disappeared.

Paris did not panic until the tremors had continued for a few hours and still no sign of their heroine. The damage to homes and shops, the injuries from car accidents and falling debris spanned the entire city and Ladybug had not even bothered to show up?

The Ladyblog was in an uproar, spinning wild rumors of Ladybug vacationing in London to fight the spread of Akuma's there, but in his heart Adrien knew that was no more than grasping at straws. He missed two photo shoots joining the rescue parties, both dreading and desperately hoping to find Marinette among the injured but night fell and Marinette did not return and Ladybug did not show.

 _It would explain so much,_ a voice whispered in the back of his mind. _The lies, the sudden disappearances, the injuries that she could never explain. Or she's just left you for good this time, mate._

He couldn't sleep so instead he waited up, parsing his way through the Ladyblog.

During the anti-bug affair there's been an emergency at the bakery; The vanisher... that day had been a deadline for a design competition that he knew for a fact did not exist. Pixelator... she'd told him Alya needed her, but judging from the content of the blog Alya had had no crisis that day. On and on. Every time Paris was attacked, Marinette would vanish and how… how had he not seen this before?

He closed out of the Ladyblog and leaned back in his chair. Was it possible? Was it possible that this is what she was hiding all along? And if so… what kind of mess had she gotten herself into now? He pulled out his phone and called Alya.

 _"Did she come home?_ " was asked in lieu of a hello.

"Not yet."

_"Adrien I'm so sorry. I know we'll find her-"_

"Alya I need your help."

_"Anything."_

"I need to know _exactly_ where Ladybug was last seen."

There was a pause and then Alya spoke, _"OOOOHHH, of course. If we find Ladybug she can help us to find Marinette. Of course."_

"Something like that."

_"It's near where the first building went down. We all thought she was going to face this trembler guy but I lost sight of her and she never showed. I'll text you the address. Want me to meet you there?"_

"No, just send me the address. It's just a hunch, I'll tell you if I find anything."

The taxi dropped him off a couple blocks from his intended address, unwilling to go further. The whole area was nearly vacant due to the series of aftershocks that regularly rocked the streets.

"Mari?" he called, tentatively at first, then louder. "Marinette?"

He weaved through the collapsed rubble, dodging the occasional falling plaster or stonework, calling her name until suddenly…His ears strained to pick out her direction but it was so quiet so-

"Adrien?"

"Marinette! Where are you?"

"Here, Adrien how- Never mind how, I'm here!"

He followed the sound of her voice until he came to a pile of rubble in what had once been a corner of a room. He began to pull it away desperately when another rumble shifted the earth.

"GET BACK ADRIEN," Marinette cried. "It's too unstable for that. I just need… Listen, I know this is going to sound crazy but I just need something to eat. Do you have … cookies or something?"

"Cookies?"

"Please, Adrien just trust me."

He dug around in his bag, finally finding a pastry that someone had offered him earlier while he was with the search party.

"Yeah, but how-"

"Just pass it through. Don't touch anything or this whole pile might- Just be careful, okay?"

He did, pushing it through the cracks in the pile of debris until he heard Mari cry out "Yes, got it! Okay I need you to move away."

"Mari-"

"Just um… go get help, okay?"

He hadn't managed more than a few steps when he heart the rumble of shifting rubble and he let out a cry of despair. He turned and watched in horror as the rubble collapsed in on itself. He looked up and saw Ladybug swinging from a portion of the roof that still stood. Mixed relief and horror surged through him. _What if he was wrong, what if-_

Ladybug dropped in front of him "Ah, um, Marinette and I were trapped together and I'll just go ahead and take her home-"

"Trapped _together,_ " his heart sank as he processed the words. _I was wrong._ "Oh god, Marinette," he sprinted past Ladybug, or tried to, but Ladybug reached out and grabbed him, holding him back from the unstable rubble.

"Marinette is fine," Ladybug said, laughing awkwardly. "I put her up on the roof, I can take you to her just-"

"There's no roof left!" Adrien spat. "MARI!"

Ladybug didn't release him, "Adrien you can't go over there, it's too unstable. I will get Mari out and bring her to you, you just have to trust me." He stopped trying to pull past her and looked at her, really looked at her. A red flush crept across her cheeks as she looked into his eyes and and it was all the confirmation he needed.

He stopped trying to pull away and hugged her tightly. "Mari..."

"Adrien I-"

"Stop. Just stop, no more lies."

He felt her nod slightly and she murmured 'spots off' under her breath. There was a flash of light and Ladybug was gone, leaving Marinette in his arms and _God, it was true._

"Why didn't you just trust _me_? I wouldn't have told anyone your secret-"

"I _do_ trust you Adrien, I'm only trying to keep you safe."

"And who keeps you safe?"

"There was someone, once. But he's… he's gone now."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I know, tearing off the mask before the end of the story? Crazy talk. 
> 
> Leave me a comment and make my day :)


	3. The Secret

He asked too many questions now and she tried to be honest with him, but every question scared her to death.  _What if he remembers? What if this is how I lose him again?_  So she told him just enough and never enough.

Sometimes it was worse, knowing her secret. Before when she'd disappear he'd simply be in a bad mood for the rest of the day, never dreaming that the super-heroine risking her life each day was his Marinette. He found himself glued to the television, to the ladyblog, to anything that would tell him that she was safe.

Sometimes she came home elated, sometimes exhausted. The worst nights she came home bruised or bleeding and he would carefully help her to bandage up her scrapes, silently cursing his own helplessness.

Tonight was a bad night. He'd seen her on the television again, smiling in victory but her hands clenched a little too tight. A forced smile that he knew all too well. He pulled out the first aid kit before she even got home and checked his phone every few minutes, hoping for news. Within a few minutes it chimed.

_Marinette 9:23pm: Can you come pick me up?_

_Adrien 9:23pm: Where are you?_

_Adrien 9:24pm: Marinette?_

_Adrien 9:26pm: Mari, where the hell are you?_

He grabbed his keys and sprinted for the door, heading for the place where he'd seen her giving an interview just a few minutes prior to her text. He left the car in a spot that was certainly not legal and looked around.

She was tired, probably hurt, she needed a place to hide, to transform out of sight... quickly. A small dark alley caught his eye and he ran, lighting up the space with his phone's flashlight.

There.

At the end of the alley, Marinette was crumpled against the wall, her tiny red kwami dancing around her face nervously.

"Marinette!" He rushed to her side, shoved his phone in his pocket and moved to lift her. He felt something warm and wet. "God, she's bleeding. What the hell happened out there, Tikki?"

"I'm sorry, Adrien," Tikki said quietly.

He slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her back and gently lifted her from the ground. Mari's eyes flickering open blearily and she groaned.

"Shhh, It's all right, bugaboo, I've got you."

"Chat?" Mari whimpered, "Oh thank God, mon chaton, I thought I'd lost you." He glanced down at Tikki who suddenly refused to meet his gaze.

"I'm taking you to a hospital, you're going to be all ri-"

"No hospitals, chaton. Home. I just want to go home."

He'd already reached his car by now and he set her gently in the passenger seat. It didn't take long for them to reach home but she was out cold again before he lifted her from the car and hurried inside.

"Tikki, get the key from my pocket," he ordered and in moments the door was open. He kicked it closed behind them and laid her down on the couch, grateful that he'd pulled out the medical supplies before he'd left.

Darting to the kitchen, he grabbed a kitchen towel and hurried back to her. He pressed it to her side where most of the blood seemed to be coming from and held it fast until the bleeding began to slow.

"She can't keep doing this, Tikki," he chided as he pulled out bandages from their kit. "It will kill her. One of these days, it will kill her."  Once he'd bandaged and cleaned her up as well as he could he'd nothing to do but wait. She wasn't unconscious, nor was she entirely awake. She seemed to be in a daze and he found himself worrying that she'd hit her head.

"Mon chaton," Mari whispered again, and Adrien's jaw tightened.

He paced back and forth in their living room, doing his best to wear his path into the carpet. "I should take her to the hospital," he grumbled after what seemed like hours of listening to her mumble mostly incoherent nonsense to her dead partner.

"She's right, Adrien," the kwami replied. "People might suspect something if she goes to a hospital. She just needs to rest."

"Rest? She's hallucinating her damn partner, Tikki. That hardly seems  _fine_."

She began to murmur again and he knelt next to her, brushing her hair from her face and cupping her cheek in his hand. She didn't seem feverish at least.

"mmm'fine, Chat. paw-sitive." She giggled lightly, "get it?"

"I need you to wake up, sweetheart," he said gently. "Please, open your eyes for me. Let me know you're all right or I'm taking you to the hospital." It took a few minutes of his gentle prodding but she gradually roused herself enough to open her eyes and focus on him.

She gave him a small smile. "Adrien. How did I get…"

"You texted me, Mari, and then passed out. Scared me to death again." He helped her to sit up and pressed a glass of water into her hand. "Drink, it will help."

"Thank you for finding me."

"Always. Though I'd thank you to not be covered in blood next time. " He passed her a couple pain killers next and she swallowed them with the rest of the water.

It did help and Tikki was right, after a few hours she was tired but mostly herself again. He wondered if she remembered her hallucinations. He must have been staring, because Marinette's eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong Adrien?"

"What if next time I can't find you in time?" he asked quietly, voice strained. "You could have bled to death in that alley, alone... less than a kilometer from our home."

"But I didn't. Adrien, I'm all right. I'm going to get hurt sometimes in this line of work, but most of the time the magic patches me right up again anyway. You know that, you've seen it."

"You need a partner, Marinette."

"Yeah, well I had one," she said bitterly. "I let him die."

Adrien was quiet again before finally he sighed. "He was very special to you, wasn't he? Chat Noir? He was... more than just your partner."

"Yes, of course. He was my best friend."

Adrien shook his head sadly, "You thought I was him when I found you, Marinette. That's not... that's not how you speak with your best friend. You were in love with him, weren't you?" Marinette hesitated.

"It's not… It's not that simple-"

Adrien looked up at her. "Don't I deserve to know if you were in love with another man?

"Yes, alright," Mari admitted. "Yes, I was in love with him."

Somehow he'd known for a while now, but hearing her say the words out loud sent a pang through his heart regardless.  While he was struggling to cope with the barrier of lies between them, there was another who knew, who understood this secret side of the woman he loved.

"I never told him, I don't even think I fully realized it myself."

Underneath the pain and confusion an unexpected feeling came to the surface. Relief. Relief that for once she was telling  _him_  the truth.

"I … I understand," he whispered, the words surprising even himself. "He was a part of this life that you had to keep to yourself. You counted on him. And hey-" he laughed bitterly, "you always came home to me, right?"

"Yes. Always."

He nodded. "I'm sorry. Now was not the time for that conversation. But I just listened to you talk to Chat Noir for a few hours. I guess I'm not a good enough man to just… let it go."

"You are a good man, Adrien. You're the best man I know."

He smiled and rose, stretching out muscles that had begun to cramp squatted next to the couch. Not particularly comfortable. Speaking of comfortable... he bent and put one arm under Marinette's legs. "Grab on. You should sleep in a real bed."

"I can walk you know," she protested.

He smiled half-heartedly, "I may not be a superhero but I think I can manage this much." She locked her arms around his neck and he lifted her gently and made his way back into the bedroom. He set her on her feet next to the bed, keeping one arm around her waist until he was sure she was stable. He helped her to change out of her stained clothes and got her settled into bed.  He dropped a kiss on her hand before retreating to turn off the light, but she refused to release his hand.

"Stay, please?"

"I was hoping you would say that," he said with a relieved smile. She pulled him down next to her and he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Sleep well, Princess."

* * *

Once Marinette was asleep he slipped from the bed, tucking her back in to ensure she was fast asleep. He grabbed his coat and hurried from the apartment in search of the one place that he had been quite certain that he would never set foot in again.

His father's house.

He'd a distant memory of a book that had something about Ladybug. Whatever that book said, he needed to know now, before she got herself killed.  He needed that library, and Gabriel Agreste was not going to keep him from what he needed to know. He tried his code on the pinpad, unsure if it would still work but to his surprise the light flashed green and the gate creaked open.

The house was just as he remembered it. Cold and empty.

He made for the library, hardly bothering to quiet his steps. He'd never been noticed when he lived here, he doubted anything had changed. When he reached the library he paused for a moment unsure of exactly what he was looking for.

Bypassing all the shelves he headed straight for where his father would keep whatever was most precious. A safe in the back hidden by the portrait of his mother. He stared at the portrait for a moment, the one part of this cold house that he truly missed. Finally he pulled it open and looked at the safe for a moment. A doubtful look came over his face and he tried a number. The safe opened with a cheerful chime and his jaw dropped. His own birthday. His father had used his birthday to protect the safe? There were some years that Adrien wasn't even sure his father  _remembered_  his birthday. He shook his head and reached into the safe, pulling out some papers and a small black box to get to a large brown book in the back. Opening it he found that the text was in code, but with illustrations. This was about Ladybug and Chat Noir. He opened the box and saw a simple black ring with a green paw-

"Adrien?"

Adrien froze at his father's voice, some part of him suddenly feeling like a child again, caught doing something disappointing to the family name. He slipped the ring into his pocket and shut the box before turning around.

"Father."

"There was no need to sneak in, Adrien, this is your house too. But that book… why do you seek it?"

"This is the reason there has been no new Chat Noir, isn't it?" He held up the black box, "Because you're keeping it… why?"

His father hesitated a moment and then seemed to make a decision. "I hoped it might help me to return something to me that I lost."

"This city needs Chat Noir.  _Ladybug_  needs Chat Noir."

"And you suppose it's a simple matter of putting on a ring?" his father commented. "The power in that ring would destroy someone not chosen to wield it. Put it down. You are my son and I will not allow you to court danger with delusions of grandeur."

Affecting his most convincing disappointed face Adrien returned the box to the safe and his father shut the door the moment it closed.

"Ad-"

"I'm keeping the book," he told his father and stalked from the room.  Some tiny part of him hoped that he would be followed. But he walked out the same way he had every other time. Completely alone.

* * *

Marinette was still asleep when he woke the next morning, having crawled into bed late after returning from his father's house.

The last akuma had really been hard on her... He got out of bed carefully, and dressed trying not to wake her. He dropped into the chair in front of his desk and opened the brown book again. He thumbed through it absentmindedly, not entirely certain what he was looking for. He could read very little of it, but he found illustrations of Ladybug and Chat Noir and their miraculous. He saw Marinette's earrings on one page and Chat Noir's ring on another. His hand slipped into his pocket when suddenly he was startled by a cry from the bed.

"Adrien… where did you get that?"

He turned, surprised. "My father's library. Do you know it?"

"Yes, I thought it was lost when I came back. I mean- Why do you have it?"

"You can't do this alone, Marinette. This book has the key to bringing back the power of Chat Noir's miraculous. I know it won't be the same but... you need a partner."

"No. Adrien, please." She pulled herself tentatively from the bed and moved towards him. "You  _have_  to let this go."

"Let it go? Marinette, you almost died yesterday, you can barely walk today. How could I possibly let this go?"

"There is a reason the power is gone. And it cannot come back."

"Why? Mari, you need help."

"When he died… Listen to me, Adrien. I can't tell you everything but I need you to know that what I am telling you is the truth, okay?"

He nodded as she leaned against the desk next to him and flipped to the page on Chat Noir. She pointed to the ring on the illustration the one that matched the one hidden in his pocket. "You're right. This ring is the key to bringing back Chat Noir's power, but Chat Noir's death is what allows you to live."

"How do you know this?"

"Papillon."

"And you believed him?"

"I couldn't risk losing you again, Adrien."

"Again?"

"I can't explain, and I'm begging you not to ask. But if Chat were to return… I might lose you both. Do you understand?"

"No, but I trust you." She flipped closed the book and leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her shaking frame. "You shouldn't have to carry this alone," he whispered.

"I'm not alone."

The sound of sirens pulled her from her reverie and she felt Adrien stiffen.

"No, Marinette, please… not this time. You're still hurt."

"I'm feeling better already," she gave him that fake smile that made him cringe and stood.

"Tikki, spots on."

* * *

_Damn_.

She was gone before he had the chance to say another word and he dropped his face into his hands.  _It's going to kill her. This is going to kill her._

He raced out of the apartment after her, watching her take to the skyline. She wasn't feeling better. He knew it before the rest of Paris, but Paris would know soon enough. In the distance he watched something hit her hard and she went flying from the rooftop, just barely managing to catch herself.

Adrien ran, hardly knowing what he would do when he caught up with her, only knowing that he couldn't leave her alone. Not like this.

The Akuma she faced had a bizarre reptilian face and the wings of a dragon and  _God… she was in no shape for this_. Reporters had gathered on the street below, awaiting the inevitable victory speech but this time was different. The creature tossed her like a ragdoll up on the roof and the reporters watched with dumb horrified expressions. Adrien didn't wait, sprinting into the building and finding the stairwell. He raced up, flight after flight, his lungs burning, listening the the crashing from above with increasing terror.

"Give me your miraculous, bug," he heard the creature roar. "Or you will splatter on the streets of Paris!"

He reached the roof access and pushed it open slightly. Ladybug was on her hands and knees bruises blooming across her face and her uniform once more wet with blood. Her yo-yo lay lost on the other side of the roof while the creature stood over her and she glared up defiantly.

The reptile dove for her, fangs gleaming in the sunlight and Adrien moved without thinking, bursting from the roof access and placing himself between the creature and Ladybug.

He closed his eyes but to his surprise it stopped and looked confused, he reached into his pocket and a small smile slipped over his lips. "I'm sorry, Princess," he whispered, "I refuse to watch you die."

Realization and horror dawned in her eyes but it was too late. He put the ring on his finger. A small voice near his ear screamed at him to say transform me but the reptile knocked him out of the way to reach Ladybug. He said the words and there was a sudden burst of light and the sound of voices in his head. Too much, too loud. He cried out, his head falling into his hands as the voices screamed at him… not voices… memories.

_He remembered_. He remembered races across the rooftops and terrible puns. He remembered Timebreaker and Copycat and wanting to kiss her so badly when they defeated an Akuma but knowing he'd have to wait until they got home. Because Adrien was allowed to kiss her… Chat was not. He remembered a moment not unlike this one. A strike that Ladybug had not seen coming, desperately throwing himself between her and her attacker. The thought was enough to make him look up.

"What have you done?" The reptilian creature was screaming at her, but her eyes were fixed on him, tears falling freely. He glanced up and saw a dragon wing necklace hanging around the creature's neck and launched himself for it. "Paw-don me," he cried, grabbing the necklace with one hand and pulling it free. He tossed it to Ladybug who caught it with a look of surprise.

"Come on, bugaboo. Help meow-t!"

She snapped out of it and smashed the necklace between her boot and the concrete, quickly neutralizing the Akuma. The recently akumatized man stammered something incomprehensible and bolted for the stairs back into the building.

"Bien joue'?" he said, dropping down beside her and offering her his hand.

"You're-"

"Chat Noir, pleasure to meet you-" he teased, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet.

"You were dead… Hawkmoth said if you remembered…"

"He lied."

"Why?"

"So he could keep the ring for himself, probably. Bugaboo… My Lady? Why are you crying?" 

"Why am I crying!? You were dead you stupid cat! You died and I lost you and THAT'S how you tell me you're Chat Noir? And I got you… I got Adrien back, but you weren't … quite right and I was so afraid. So afraid that if you remembered I would lose you again." She launched herself into his arms and he stumbled back a step but closed his arms around her, nuzzling her neck with his nose.

"I'm sorry, my-"

"You're sorry? Don't you ever do that to me again, Chat. You shouldn't have jumped in front of me, you shouldn't have-" Tears were streaming afresh down her face and he shushed her gently, rubbing the tears away with both thumbs.

"I'm not sorry for that, my lady. Never." She punched him in the shoulder and he shrugged. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She'd told him that before, of course. Countless times as Marinette and they had been happy, but they had not been whole. There was a distance between them of so many lies, so many half-truths. But this  time... no more secrets.

She closed her eyes, the last secret between them weighing heavily on her mind.

"I know why he lied. I know why he tried to keep you from remembering your life as Chat Noir."

"Because he's a super villain? Lying is what they do."

"He was trying to protect you."

Chat pulled away slightly to look at her. "Protect me? That doesn't make s-"

"Because he's your father, Adrien."

His jaw dropped and for a moment he said nothing, then he murmured something under his breath and Chat vanished in a flash of light.

"Spots off," Marinette said, joining him in civilian form.

Adrien was sitting on the ledge of the roof now, his Kwami in the palm of his hand, and Marinette came to sit next to him.

"Are you alright, Adrien?"

"What happened?"

"You jumped in front of me. You took a blow that was meant for me and it killed you." Her voice was small and she leaned into him for support. "I thought I'd lost you, both of you. Hawkmoth said he could bring you back with the power of your miraculous… I had to try."

"It was lucky that nothing else changed," Tikki spoke up. "Changing the past, even just a few minutes...it's very dangerous, Marinette."

"And to change something further back," Adrien asked. "He would need Ladybug's power for that?"

Tikki nodded.

"My mother." The words came out on a breath and this time she leaned in to support him.

"Would you let him try, if it were up to you?" Marionette asked carefully.

"Marinette!" Tikki scolded, but Marinette shushed her.

Adrien was quiet for a moment then finally shook his head. "Tikki is right. Even if changing something from so long ago didn't risk so much today… my father cannot be trusted with that power. All this time, all this fighting, so many people caught in the crossfire. He doesn't care who gets in his way." Adrien stood and pulled Marinette up with him, "Does he know … who you are?"

"No."

"Good. You'll need to be more careful. He'll keep coming, but now that he knows who I am he'll be trying to go around me to get to you."

"Let him try," Marinette said stubbornly.

"Not if I can help it, in fact... I think it's about time I had a conversation with my father."

* * *

Chat Noir marched into the Agreste manor armed with no more than an old book and a gamble. Gabriel met him in the grand foyer and Adrien would have been lying if he said he did not enjoy ordering his father to a more private room. Once they were alone he slammed the book down on his father's desk and flipped it open to the histories of previous cat-miraculous holders.

"Do you know, _Monsieur Agreste_ , how many Chat Noirs have died protecting their Ladybug?" Before he could answer Chat continued, flipping through page after page of the history. "Nearly. Every. One."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know who you are. I know what you want, and I will not allow you to have it."

"You don't understand-"

"Don't I,  _father_?"

"Adrien... if you'd only allow me to explain-"

"You cannot be trusted with the power of  _your own_  miraculous, let alone ours, and my mother would be ashamed of the carnage you've wrought in her name. Messing with time is dangerous and my lady and I have agreed that we got lucky, but it is not worth the risk again. So let me be very clear, you can continue to fight us, continue to seek the ultimate power, but I will be there by her side every day. I will block every strike. I will trade my life for hers without a second thought should it come to that. I have made my decision. Now you must make yours."

* * *

He was still shaking with a potent mixture of adrenaline and relief when he returned to their apartment where Marinette was pacing nervously. Without bothering to detransform he swept her up into his arms and held her tight.

"Do you really think it will work?" she mumbled into his shoulder.

"I don't know, Princess, but I had to try."

"And what if it does work? What happens to Ladybug and Chat Noir when there are no more super-villains to fight?"

"I don't think Paris will ever  _not_  need our help… and I do know you'd miss the leather."

She reached up and rubbed his ears teasingly, "Like you wouldn't?"

He grinned, unabashed, "but I would not mind facing villains  _without_  superpowers occasionally. And not having to run off at the sound of every siren…" as though at his cue the sound of a distant siren drifted through their window and he winced.

"Could be nothing..." he started, tightening his arms around her.

"Could be a… a false alarm, the police could probably handle it," she agreed.

Her eyes drifted towards the window and Chat sighed, loosening his grip. "You want to go check it out don't you?"

"It'll just take a minute," she bounded to the window and cried 'spots on.' He grinned when she looked back at him, a bright smile on her face and her trusty yo yo in her hand. "Well, come on! Last one to the scene does dishes for a week!"

"You're on, Bugaboo! You know… I do hate getting my paws wet."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hope you all had fun. Come say hi to me or leave a note so I don't get lonely and get akumatized. Just sayin' :P

**Author's Note:**

> Will she succeed in her quest?! Such a good cliffhanger, ruined by my first-customer-special promise. *Sigh* Chapters two and three written and will be posted pending final edit. Leave me a comment!


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